Leadership Tips for Women: Balance Assertiveness And Empathy

Being a woman leader means coping with double or even triple the workload, not counting the one that starts after leaving the office. You have to bear with numerous external (like the likeability trap or gender biases) and internal (like undervaluing yourself or imposter syndrome) obstacles that prevent you from taking a 'seat at the table' and leading your team or a company. 

Although research confirms the effectiveness of female leaders, or that they are better than male leaders in 17 out of 19 capabilities, the number of women in leadership positions is not growing or is growing slowly. This can also create pressure, because there may not be any role models in a team or company to look up to and learn from.

However, women can indeed be outstanding leaders, if only because they combine two important qualities necessary for any modern leader — assertiveness and empathy. Such characteristics can be upgraded through training programs, together with coaches and mentors, or independently.

In this article, we will explore how women leaders can strengthen these traits and how to find the golden spot between assertive and empathetic leadership.

Developing and understanding assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for your beliefs, set boundaries, and communicate your needs and expectations clearly while maintaining respect for others. It's important to understand that being assertive does not mean being aggressive, rude, or selfish. 

It's not easy for women to acquire and express this trait. Women tend to silence themselves out of fear of being seen as bossy, demanding, or high-maintenance. And it's not groundless, as society believes that women should be kind, nurturing, supportive, and deferential. When a woman exhibits leadership traits that are typically associated with male leaders, like decisive, competent, and assertive, she risks facing a negative reaction. A prime example of this is the Heidi Roizen case. 

However, this does not mean that women don't need to be assertive, just the opposite. To overcome double standards, they need to own and keep expressing their assertiveness in balance with empathy.  

Here are five tips that will help to develop assertive leadership:

1. Start with self-awareness. It is a key factor for personal brand growth, building trusting relationships, and clear communication. Understand your strengths, challenges, values, and needs before standing up for and expressing them. It is obtained through self-reflection and external feedback. 
2. Practice clear and open communication. Express ideas or communicate decisions in direct and confident language. Avoid passive or apologetic phrases like 'I’m sorry, but...' that can undermine your authority. Be open to discussions and other perspectives from your team; work not only to defend your position but also to seek common interests and humanity. Listen to others’ stories and share yours, including your vulnerability and your aspirations.
3. Maintain resilience. Overcome personal and professional obstacles openly to inspire a team to bounce back stronger and recover from hardships. Keep your word and take responsibility for your actions, and avoid defensiveness and blame.
4. Set and reinforce boundaries both for yourself and your team. Be bold and decisive; let your voice be heard, and don't try to be smaller to please everyone. Say no when necessary, stand up for ideas aligned with your goals, and value your and your team's time and resources. It will prevent burnout, increase productivity, and allow everyone and you to be more successful.
5. 'Don't feed your demons'. Don't take everything personally; it’s enough that you’re fighting an unequal war. Try not to internalize when people don’t like you and maintain your authenticity and believe in yourself.

Empathic leader: how to unleash women's superpower

Empathy is another crucial leadership trait that involves understanding and connecting with a team on a deeper level, fosters trust and loyalty. It is about listening to others, understanding their perspectives, and responding with care and concern. 

For women, empathetic leadership is more natural and common than for men. However, if you want to straighten this power, use the following four recommendations: 

1. Practice influence, not control. Understand and accept the positions of your team; include their interests in your vision, strategy and decisions to bring them along and support. When necessary, allow each employee to express themselves, and in difficult situations, do not be afraid to take authority back into your own hands to set an example and lead. Do not avoid leading continuous improvement within your organization and mentoring others, that will help foster the next generation of leaders and innovators and expand your network.
2. Use the power of emotional intelligence. 'Reading the room', providing emotional support, acknowledging someone's struggle, and responding to non-verbal cues are what women do best. Practice understanding and valuing the feelings of others to create a supportive environment that encourages innovation and nurtures a culture of trust and respect.
3. Foster inclusivity and diversity. Taking into account different perspectives on processes and diverse needs helps not only to find the best and inclusive solution but also allows you to maintain a healthy environment in a team, showing that everyone can be heard and acknowledged. Encourage collaboration over competition to result in greater success. 
4. Communicate effectively. Practice active listening, encourage feedback, and share information openly to empower teams. Be assertive without forgoing compassion, drive performance and demand excellence while also being supportive and understanding.

The balance between assertiveness and empathy is key to effective leadership

When assertiveness and empathy are combined, this is when the real leadership 'magic' happens. Both traits allow creating high-functioning teams, where employees feel heard and valued but also understand the expectations and boundaries set before them. 

Here’s how to balance both assertiveness and empathy in leadership:

1. Adapt an approach based on the situation. Different scenarios call for different levels of assertiveness or empathy. Use assertiveness to drive action, set clear goals, assign tasks, and ensure accountability. And empathy in communications, collaborations, teamwork and meetings, as well as addressing personal conflicts. 
2. Mix traits if needed. For example, begin conversations or decision-making processes by showing empathy, understanding the perspectives of your team, and offering support. After this, assert your position or make decisions confidently. This method helps you maintain authority while still being approachable and understanding.
3. Be fair, open, and consistent. Adhere to the same leadership style in the same situations and apply certain management methods equally and fairly. If necessary, communicate and explain your decisions openly to show that you care about the interests of both team members and the company equally. It creates a trusting environment and makes the team more likely to respect your leadership style.

To sum up

Assertive and empathetic leadership is a type of leadership that is in demand today and forms the core of authentic female leadership. By strengthening each of these traits and balancing them depending on the situation, women leaders can create a comfortable yet highly productive and innovative work environment.

The recommendations presented in the article will help you develop such 'superpowers' and find a balance between them. Slow down and take your time to build your unique and effective assertive-empathic leadership style.

FAQ