6-Step Practice to Have Confidence in Any Situation

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with, but rather a skill you can build. For whatever reason there might be situations or events where you want to strengthen that skill. If so, let me share a simple yet powerful 6-step practice that can help you relax and build confidence naturally—whether you need a boost before a presentation, starting a new job, or in social situations. Ready? Let’s do it! 

About Practice

The practice is informed by Internal Family Systems, a therapeutic approach developed by American psychotherapist and researcher Richard Schwartz. 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) conceives of every human being as a system of different inner parts led by a core Self. To better understand it, imagine you have a team of little characters inside you—like a family living in your mind. Each of these characters has their own job and feelings. Sometimes, they may argue or get upset, making you feel confused or overwhelmed. When this happens, a special part of you called the Self—the wise leader of this team—steps in to help all the other characters feel calm, heard, and cared for.  

The IFS approach is effective because it allows people to better understand, interact with, and heal their various inner parts and emotions instead of trying to push them away, leading to a greater feeling of peace and balance.

6 Steps to Improve Your Confidence Right Now

The time needed for practice: 15 minutes. 

When you can practice:

• Before important events when you're feeling calm.
• Before facing bigger challenges.
• Any quiet moment when you have a few minutes to yourself.

1. Get centered (2 minutes)

Close your eyes, take a few slow breaths, and notice how you're feeling in your body. Try to bring a sense of curiosity to whatever you find. 

2. Meet your unconfident part (3 minutes)

• Think of a situation where you feel unconfident or self-doubt.
• Notice where this feeling lives in your body (maybe it's butterflies in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or tension in your shoulders).
• Say hello to this feeling, just like greeting someone.

3. Create a little space (1-2 minutes)

Notice if you can feel even a slight separation between “you” and the unconfident feeling—like you're sitting next to it rather than being completely merged with it. If this is difficult, that's completely normal—just observe what is happening.

4. Listen with curiosity (5-7 minutes)

Gently ask your unconfident part: “What are you afraid might happen?” or “What are you trying to protect me from?” Let it express its concerns without trying to fix them. Then ask: “What would help you feel supported or reassured?”

What are you afraid might happen? →  "I'm trying to keep you from embarrassing yourself" / “I’m trying to keep you safe from criticism.”

What would reassure you? → “I want to know it’s okay to feel nervous” / “I want to know that it’s fine if things don’t go as planned.”

5. Acknowledge and thank (2-3 minutes)

Let this part know you hear its concerns and needs. Thank it for trying to protect you: “I understand you're trying to keep me safe” or "I hear how much you care about protecting me.”

Let the part know that you will come back to connect and listen to it again.

6. Integration (2-3 minutes)

Reflect on your inner journey: Did you learn anything new about yourself? What practical steps can you take to meet the concerns and needs of this part?

In closing 

If you find this practice challenging at first, that's normal. Here are some reminders to make it easier and do it better next time:

• This is just a practice—it gets easier over time.
• All parts of us, even unconfident ones, are trying to help. Instead of fighting them, listen and understand what they are trying to protect you from.
• You don’t need to make the feeling go away. Take a deep breath, observe your emotions, and notice how they feel in your body. 
• If it feels too intense, take a break. Even a few minutes of this practice can make a difference.

The goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty or become instantly confident. It’s about building a more compassionate relationship with the parts of you that feel unconfident. Often, just acknowledging and listening to them can help them relax—allowing your natural confidence to emerge.

If a lack of confidence causes significant distress or interferes with your daily life or career, consider seeking help from a therapist or a mental well-being or personal growth coach. They can help you explore the roots of self-doubting and develop confidence-boosting habits and routines so you can enjoy life more fully.